"Women's empowerment is intertwined with respect for human rights." ~ Mahnaz Afkhami
What Does Teen Dating Violence Look Like?
Teens and young adults experience the same types of abuse in relationships as adults. Including:
Physical abuse: any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon.
Emotional abuse: non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.
Sexual abuse: any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control
While teens experience the same types of abuse as adults, often the methods are unique to teen culture. For example, teens often report "digital abuse" — receiving threats by text messages or being stalked on Facebook or MySpace. ("Cyberbullying"....)
Healthy Relationships
Click icon below to take this Quiz from thesafeplace.org to see if you have a healthy relationship.
Ever feel guilty about having your own friends and own interests?
Often feel pressured to spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend when you’d rather do something else?
Keep opinions or concerns to yourself to make things easier?
Change your behavior to avoid fighting with your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Does your boyfriend/girlfriend:
Get jealous when you talk to friends of the opposite sex?
Complain about or try to control what you wear?
Call or text you excessively?
Push you to do things you aren’t sure you want to (like sex, drugs)?
If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, or if you have your own questions about healthy relationships, please call the loveisrespect.orghotline.
They are available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
Call: 1-866-331-9474, or chat online from 4pm – 2am.
All calls and chats are anonymous and confidential.
No One Is Immune
80% of parents don't believe teen dating abuse can happen in their family. Yet in 1 in 5 young women are subjected to teen abuse.
Beautiful, successful singer Rihanna was a victim of her also famous former boyfriend, Chris Brown last year.
Rihanna chose not to remain a statistic, and joined the young women who leave abusive relationships.
Thank you, Rihanna, for setting such a good example for your fans, for demanding to be treated with respect by your boyfriend. Thanks to you, more than 20% young women victims may refuse to suffer in silence; may finally demand a healthy relationship.
Dating Abuse Fast Facts
Teen dating violence is a significant problem, and it starts young. About 72% of 8th & 9th graders report “dating”.
By the time they are in high school, 54% report dating violence among their peers. In March 2006, Liz Claiborne Inc. commissioned Teenage Research Unlimited (TRU) to conduct a survey to delve deeper into the issue of teen dating abuse, gauging the degree to which teens have been involved in abusive/controlling relationships and to understand youth perceptions regarding what is and is not acceptable behavior in a relationship.
The findings were astounding. The results show that alarming numbers of teens experience and accept abusive behavior in dating relationships. Many teens feel physically and sexually threatened.
Of teens who have been in a serious relationship:
1 in 5 report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
1 in 3 girls say they’ve been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner.
Signs to look for
Make changes in their daily rituals
Retreat from school or activities
Experience isolation from friends
Make changes in clothing
Wear long sleeves to hide marks
Have visible marks or bruises
Spend excessive time with boyfriend
What Can Parents Do?
Ask questions about your teen’s life
Listen with an open mind
Support your teen as they decide what to do
Open up clear channels of communication
Be calm and take positive action
Recognize that most dating violence takes place in one of the partner’s homes.
I have the right:
To always be treated with respect – In a respectful relationship, you should be treated as an equal.
To be in a healthy relationship – A healthy relationship is not controlling, manipulative, or jealous. A healthy relationship involves honesty, trust, and communication.
To not be hurt physically or emotionally – You should feel safe in your relationship at all times.
Abuse is never deserved and is never your fault – Conflicts should be resolved in a peaceful and rational way.
To refuse sex or affection at anytime – A healthy relationship involves making consensual sexual decisions.
You have the right to not have sex – Even if you have had sex before, you have the right to refuse sex for any reason.
To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriend – Spending time by yourself, with male or female friends, or with family is normal and healthy.
To end a relationship – You should not be harassed, threatened, or made to feel guilty for ending an unhealthy or healthy relationship. You have the right to end a relationship for any reason you choose.
I pledge to:
Always treat my boyfriend or girlfriend with respect.
Never hurt my boyfriend or girlfriend physically, verbally, or emotionally.
Respect my girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s decisions concerning sex and affection.
Not be controlling or manipulative in my relationship.
Accept responsibility for myself and my actions.
Wouldn’t there be constant disputes, arguments, and conflicts?It’s sort of like that when it comes to sexual violence. We’re surrounded daily by TV shows, music, magazines, video games, and movies that blur the lines between sex and rape, and so we all need some clear and shared understandings of the differences.
These aren’t all the rules, but here are some to help you start drawing the lines between SEX and RAPE.
1: Know the legal definition of RAPE.
Although there are many definitions, often varying from state to state, most legal systems define rape as any form of penetration (oral, anal, or vaginal) without consent and by force or threat of force.
2: Look BEYOND the legal definition.
While the legal definition clarifies rape in a court of law, it does not address sexual violence, which can be physical (grabbing, non‐consensual touching), emotional (mind games), or verbal (verbal pressure).
3: Know the legal definition of CONSENT.
Most legal systems define consent as explicit assent to a particular sexual act. However, an assumption of consent is not enough.
4: Look BEYOND the legal definition.The legal definition of consent doesn’t capture whatgood sex is all about: mutual pleasure and enthusiasm. Better communication ‐ listening, stating desires clearly, and asking when a situation is unclear ‐ will ensure safe and healthy sex for everyone.
5: Be clear about BODY LANGUAGE.
Does kissing mean that a person wants to have sex? How do you know? Ask before you act.
6: Accept when consent is WITHDRAWN.
Even after a person has given their consent, that person can withdraw it at any time. Sex and sexual situations are sometimes confusing and anxiety provoking. We all deserve the right to change our minds.
7: Watch ALCOHOL and DRUG intake.
An incapacitated person (drunk, passed out, on drugs) cannot legally give consent. If a person is drunk and incapable of consenting with full awareness, wait until you both are in a state of mind to enthusiastically and clearly say yes.
8: Understand the CONSEQUENCES.
The aftermath of rape starts with the survivor and expands outward, affecting more and more people. Common symptoms include sleeplessness, nightmares, loss of appetite, and an inability to concentrate. Noticing these symptoms in the survivor will in turn affect friends, relatives, co‐workers, and others.
For the Guys:(Show this to your brother, boyfriend, best guyfriend)
Stopping Rape: What Male Athletes Can Do
Strength. Sure, it’s physical. As an athlete, you know that. You live it. The fastest, fittest, and strongest people in the world are athletes. They’re also some of the most respected. Athletes can do things with their bodies that make fans’ jaws drop.
As an athlete, you also know that strength isn’t always measured by the pounds you lift or the miles you run. Strength is about character and commitment to yourself and others. It’s about how you represent your school, your community, and the world of sports. It’s about having the courage to make the right choices.
How can a Male athlete take a stand against rape?
Define Your Own Manhood. Ask yourself: do messages like “Never take ‘no’ for an answer” play a role in creating healthy and safe relationships? Decide for yourself what kind of man you want to be.
Talk it Over with Guys. Most men don’t think of rape as their issue. So get them thinking about it. How would it feel if a sister, girlfriend, sister, or female friend was raped?
Get Educated. Talk to women about how the fear of sexual assault or violence affects their daily lives.
Read up on the issue so that you can support survivors as well as prevent rape by educating other men.
Speak Out. You probably will never see a rape in progress, but you might hear language and see behavior
that put women down and create a threatening environment that can lead to sexual assault. When your
teammate calls a woman a “ho” or a “bitch,” tell him that you don’t find it funny or respectful.
Look Out for Friends. You’ve heard of designated drivers. Now use the same principle to prevent rape. At a party, designate someone among your group of friends to keep an eye on anyone that might be behaving in ways that could lead to sexual violence.
Show Your Strength. Use your strength to build others up, not tear them down.
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Girl Power: Below is one of my favorite "girl-power" poems. When I gave pediatric grand rounds at NWH this fall, I read this aloud at the end. I hope it touched my audience of caring colleagues, like it does me, everytime i read it:
I Fight Like A Girl
~anonymous
I fight like a girl who refuses to be a victim.
I fight like a girl who is tired of being
IGNORED and HUMORED and BEATEN and RAPED.
I fight like a girl who's sick
of not being taken seriously.
I fight like a girl who's been pushed too far.
I fight like a girl who OFFERS and
DEMANDS RESPECT.
I fight like a girl who has a lifetime of
ANGER and STRENGTH and PRIDE
pent up in her girly body.
I fight like a girl who doesn't believe in
FEAR and SUBMISSION.
I fight like a girl who knows that
THIS BODY and THIS MIND are mine.
I fight like a girl who knows that
YOU ONLY HAVE AS MUCH POWER
AS I GRANT YOU.
I fight like a girl who will never allow you
to take more than I offer.
I fight like a girl who FIGHTS BACK.
So next time you think you can distract yourself
from your insecurities by victimizing a girl,
THINK AGAIN.
She may be ME and
I FIGHT LIKE A GIRL.
[borrowed from, “Transforming a Rape Culture.” Emilie Buchwald, Pamela Fletcher, and Martha Roth, Feb. 8, 2005. I highly recommend this book to everyone who knows a young woman.)
